Watashi ni wa rī

The more things change, the more they stay the same. The past and present have colided, the question is...where? Which is from a life gone by and which is life right now? Or are they both one and the same...


Something was wrong. I didn’t know what it was but I knew something was wrong.
As a younger person I developed the ability to sense people’s intentions and sincerity. I learned to look beyond the boundary of ‘them’ and look at the outside influences. 99% of the time when I get hurt its due to denial and not blindness. I see the truck coming and I believe I can stop it with my outstretched hand. A foolish notion I know but hey, a guy can dream right?

I knew I wasn’t alone. I knew there was at least one other. Tiny, almost imperceptible changes in mannerisms, I can pick up. I don’t always let on that I know, people are entitled to having a tummy ache now and then of course, but I can tell. Usually I will wait.

These days people, gay and straight, are incredibly fickle. They get bored EASILY! I don’t, and that makes me ‘safe’, the one they can run back to in case it doesn’t work out with the one they want. So they will chase after the younger, smarter, richer, fitter, skinnier, taller, shorter, fatter, darker, lighter, sluttier, mellower, hyper (shut up -_-), uglier, poorer, stronger, weaker or just plain WRONG one, take SHIT treatment and then come back to poor lil Lando when they get dumped. It’s not that they’re “not ready for anything right now”, they lost interest in you hommie… if I know that, why don’t you! It’s not that you’re concerned about my ex finding out, it’s that you’re bangin his CURRENT man on the side!... Trinidad is way too small for you to try that asshole!

Here’s a lil clue about me: I AM NOT SAFE!! I will WAIT for yo ass to come back when I am the last resort and THEN I exit stage left. And believe me… I KNOW when you’re out of options.

I’m too fat to do the whole limbo thing so I don’t. As a priority, I act as one and return the sentiment. As an option, I get options and NEVER make the mistake and believe that you’re my best one... you were probably just there first. I am fair after all. If I speak to you first you may be a little higher in the queue for my attention. I also let subsequent interests know up front that they are in a line, so they can make an informed decision as to whether or not they wish to BE an option. It’s not me being full of myself, it’s just being fucking polite!! That way, if shit doh work out, there are no hard feelings. No one gets ‘hurt’ cause they are aware of that they in for from the get go. Of course, sometimes a secondary option shows that they would make a better priority, as that’s what they begin to show me that I am to them (I’m sorry Chocolate Chip… but that is how Mars got me).


I am tired. These fucking games are over!